Late-Night Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

TV's top hosts used their evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's newly announced immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-for-access arrangement for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas song about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he touches."

The subject was the new plan which enables international nationals to buy U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" option for 5 million. An official portal guarantees approval "in record time."

"A quick message here to wealthy immigrants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, with large costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – if it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The most thorough background check the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll ratings during financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to address cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of food items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.